The Green Fairy Blogs

Hello, my friends! This week, we’re discussing the Green Fairy’s ex-boyfriend’s un-green driving.

A lot of men, young and old, feel that their driving style reflects who they are. This translates, as we discussed yesterday, into treating green lights as the starting gun at the Indy 500, and slamming on the accelerator the moment the light turns.

It also translates into driving really really fast, weaving through traffic like they’re Han Solo navigating an asteroid field.

What my ex-boyfriend doesn’t realize is that driving at 75 or 80 miles an hour—okay, 90 or 95, to be more precise—is not just unsafe, it also burns through a lot more gas. The ideal, most fuel-efficient speed to drive your car is 55 miles per hour. This is the speed where you will save the most fuel. For every five mph you drive over 55, you lose 10 percent of your fuel efficiency. Driving at 70 miles per hour means you’ll use 40 percent more gas.

So just let my ex-boyfriend blow by you on the freeway, while you toddle along at 60 or 65. (I know doing 55 on the freeway is scary, so take a stand in the sixties.) Again, he’ll have to stop for gas, and you can use the extra dollars to buy a bouquet of flowers.

Stupid ex-boyfriends!

Love, The Green Fairy

Oh, readers, how I’ve neglected you! The Green Fairy was busy sewing clothes out of waterlilies, and forgot to bring you your daily update yesterday! My apologies.

Today we’re talking about how to avoid red lights. Because red lights mean “stop,” and when you stop your car, you’re getting zero miles per gallon.

Okay, so maybe I’ve misled you. There’s no way to avoid red lights altogether. But you can spend less time stopped at them. Let’s do a thought experiment. You, in your nice little car, are sitting at a red light. Next to you is The Green Fairy’s ex-boyfriend, in his souped-up red Honda. You can hear his stereo thumping.

When the light turns green, the Green Fairy’s ex guns the engine, leaving you in a cloud of exhaust. He doesn’t get far, though, because at the next intersection, the light is red. You see ex-boyfriend’s brake lights.

You, brilliant thing that you are, accelerate your car slowly. As ex-boyfriend roars away, you say, “See you at the next light, buddy!” You accelerate gradually out of that first light and maintain a moderate speed. When the second light changes, you’ve already got the momentum to carry you through it. Macho man in the red sportscar, who raced to the red light, now has to accelerate out of a standstill, which is much more difficult (read: gas-guzzling) than coasting at a moderate speed.

Which means he’s going to spend his money on gas, while you can go buy yourself an iced tea.

This week, we’ll talk more about the Green Fairy’s ex-boyfriends’ driving habits, and why they waste a lot of gas! Fun!

Love, The Green Fairy